Photo reblogged from Silence Will Fall with 27,174 notes
But I doubt that’s ever going to happen.
Source: little-blackbook
Photo reblogged from GoO0oD Vibes ☾☼ with 18,706 notes
(by clara marques)
did you find the “i love you” in there? <3
Source: namasteh
Post with 1 note
I don’t think positive lately
I’m always thinking the worst. This gets me nowhere but in further depression and eventually wanting to cut or jump off a bridge. He told me that I wasn’t trying to get better and that wasn’t helping him. I partly feel like i’m trying to get better so that he’d want to get back with me. I want to get better for myself. I hate crying. I hate feeling worthless. I want to be the best me that God has intended for me to be. Even if I don’t belong with him no one else will want to love a suicidal majorly depressed girl. I want people to see the Jesus in me not the pain. A couple of weeks ago before he broke my heart and everything else I was praying good prayers. I was thanking God for waking up and I was asking him to help me focus on him. Now i’m right back to asking God not to wake me up the next day and feeling like a waste of space. I’m trying to work on myself from the point of “there’s no chance of me and Alex getting back together” but for some reason there’s still a part that wont let go. So much has happened last year and I know that it only happened because God allowed it to. Last year I broke his heart & he said he heard a voice saying “stay with her, you belong with her” and I forced him to my church one day and the person talking was basically telling our story. I know that’s not a coincidence. He’s not really in Jesus like he should be. His friends aren’t religious in any way and aren’t helping him. I pray that he finds Jesus before it’s too late. I want to see him in heaven more than anything. He needs new friends. I have this song that I would just label “Us” ever since this trouble began. It’s by Jhene Aiko called “do better blues”. for some reason no matter if I meet Harry Shum Jr or the hottest Asian that loves Jesus, I’ll feel like I belong with Alex.
This time around i’m seeking God by myself. I can’t make him do anything he’s not ready or willing to do. I love him with every fiber in my body but I know we’ll never work if i’m striving for Jesus and he’s just floating in this world. Another song that always pops in my head is Jason Mraz latest song “I won’t give up”. This is the second girl he drops me for and goes out with. I can’t help getting mad at the girl but in the end it’s all my fault for breaking his heart in the first place. Everyday I ask God to help me with my problem of obsessing over Alex all day. What I am going to try to start doing is telling my problems about God. I know God can handle this. He’s handled much worse problems. I just need more faith. That’s what this test is. My faith was so weak before this incident. I went through the motions, church, occasional prayer (like 2 times a week) and reading the bible like never. I’ve definitely gotten better there. I pray like 4-5 times a day and have a bible app i’m on 2 plans. I just need more help with patience. I know that prayer is the weapon and if I can go everyday just praying all day I would but I can’t witness to people if i’m hiding in a room praying. Even on here I try to stay positive and tell all the depression and suicide blogs that hope isn’t lost and we have Jesus but there’s sometimes when I don’t feel like doing the hard work and I want to take the easy road and die. If you read all this please pray for me.
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